Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
sex in a hospital.. check
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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