I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
