Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I was not drunk enough for that final.
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