Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
