I want to make a zoo with you.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
