Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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