i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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