I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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