you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Randomize
