i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
