i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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