I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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