I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize
