I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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