Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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