Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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