i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
