Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Randomize
