the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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