it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
