he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
