My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
