You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
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can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
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He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
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