I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
