i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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