Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
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