I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
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They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize