my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
my nose is crying tears of wow.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
