We need to rekindle our bromance
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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