I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
