I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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