And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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