she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
