We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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