First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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