Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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