I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
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