he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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