We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
i've created a new STD.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Randomize