my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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