Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
