Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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