The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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