It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
