dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
