glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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