pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
