somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
