wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
