He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
