okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
