Yo dont text me then not text me
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
