God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
We're not piercing ourselves today.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
