my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
