what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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