sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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