shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Terrible idea I love it
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
