Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Randomize
