Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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