Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
