You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
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He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
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I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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