That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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