Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
