its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
