i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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