Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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