She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
